i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
