he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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