Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
