Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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