i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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