yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
