I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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