well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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