You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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