So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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