my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
