I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
