I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
