Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
