Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Randomize
