Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
