I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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