nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
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