i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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