video games are the ultimate cock blocker
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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