planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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