Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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