I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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