He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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