I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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