He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
