How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
