he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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