she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
