just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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