WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
