Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
