sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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