I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
