i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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