i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
