i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
