I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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