Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
