Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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