I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
