loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
