Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
