So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I want a musical about memes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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