i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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