yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
