i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You pole danced in your parka.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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