I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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