Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
