I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Someone signed my nipple.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
