Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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