cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
