was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
