My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
