I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
